Stupid TV is making me laugh very much at the moment. All rise for The Apprentice. The perfect stage for the vain, venal, egotistical and self-deluded to abase themselves.
6am. The phone rings. “This is Francis. Sir Alan would like to see you in the foyer in all your shabby states of undress.â€
Sir Alan: “This is a bladdy disgrace…Simon, who was bedroom monitor in this task?â€
Simon: “Well, Sir Alan, I delegated key duties in the teeth brushing tasks to Sara. I thought, Sir Alan, Lucinda shone in the pillow fights.“
Sir Alan: “Pillow fights. I was bladdy selling car radios to Stenna Stairlifts long before you were born, me son. Raef, were you a good team leader?â€
Raef: “I thought I led from the front, Sir Alan. Communication is the unequivocal focus of my team delegation skill set.â€
Sir Alan: “Bladdy hell…â€
Raef: “Sralan, within that dynamic I brought unparalleled and unrivalled expertise in empowering proactive opportunities in personal hygiene.”
Sir Alan: “Bladdy hell.”
Narrator: “Sir Alan’s search for his apprentice continues. Eighteen started, only ten remain. Next week’s task, selling snow to eskimoes.â€